All opinions expressed in this blog are ours, and not necessarily anyone else's, you do not have to agree with them or like them. Opinions may change over the course of time. Any post with unnamed people resembling actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental unless otherwise noted....so, if you think we are talking about you, you're wrong...and you have a big ego. :p
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If you read something that you disagree with please feel free to click that happy little
before you get the malevolent urge to write something hateful.
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Sunday, April 29, 2007
Standing Here
When I was little I used think the only reason my parents didn't want me was the one they would tell me almost on a daily basis...I was told that I was brought into this world to complete the "happy family" picture for their social circle, and other than that I had no use....I was a burden, too much trouble. I even remember so clearly the night my father told me that I was worthless and that to add to my worthlessness and his disappointment I had been a born a girl. Through all the years of my parent's neglect I had one saving grace, Julie, my parent's housekeeper and my nanny, if it wasn't for her love and nuturing through the years I would be far more of an emotional train wreck than I already am. Now she is gone and the world feels so big, and inside my woman's body I feel like the frightened little 5 year old girl that she kissed goodbye on the first day of school...
Labels: life
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i remember when we were in high school how i would rib you for being a die hard idealist, you were always wanting to save the world and everything in it. hidden behind those ribbings riss was my admiration. you are a creature with the gentlest of souls, the biggest of hearts, you see beauty and worth in everyone despite your own emotional anguish that you would try so hard to hide with that beautiful electric smile of yours and the seemingly carefree nature. i wonder how many people truly realise the depth of your generosity, in time, emotional support and money. over the last decade so many of us among the circle have relied heavily on you for a listening ear and a stout shoulder when our personal problems became overwhelming, not once did you say you could be there for us, not once did you think it too much to take on all our problems and not once did we think to ask whether you might need someone to help carry your own load. your generosity didn't stop at your friends, i can't begin to calculate how many hours you have put into charity and volunteer work. i know how you cherished the days and hours you worked voluntarily at the disability day centre but, your selflessness would put a lot of people to shame. i also wonder how widely known it is even amongst the circle that you not only support yourself and most of the time callum but, out of your own pocket supplement the disability pensions of two middle aged women living in a group home so they can have more than the basics that their income will allow. you are quick to help out in any situation with friends and the wider community, yet you never allow yourself to receive the same things you offer others. it is time that you take what you so badly want without thinking that you need punish yourself at the first fleeting feeling of happiness. fear is very understandable in any context. after all, we only get one pass through this world and it only takes one misstep to lose everything. playing it safe may not lead to ultimate happiness. let go, riss, fear is holding you back from truly reaching for the stars. let go and take what you want, it's time to let someone in like drew to love you and give you all the things you deserve.
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